Nightmares and Night Terrors in Young Kids: What's the Difference and What Helps

It’s after midnight. Your four-year-old is sitting up in bed, eyes open, screaming. You hold them, you talk, and they don’t seem to see you at all. Ten minutes later they lie down and sleep as if nothing happened. In the morning they remember nothing. You remember everything.

Bad nights like this are common in young children, and most are one of two things: a nightmare or a night terror. They need different help, and both usually fade as children grow.

In one minute

• A nightmare is a scary dream. Your child wakes up, is afraid, wants you and can usually tell you about it. They’re common from about 3 to 6, more often in the second half of the night.
• A night terror happens in deep sleep, often in the first few hours after bedtime. Your child may scream, thrash or look terrified, but isn’t really awake and won’t remember it.
• For a nightmare: comfort. For a night terror: stay close, keep them safe and wait. Don’t try to wake them.

What’s going on

Between about 3 and 6, imagination grows fast. Children can picture monsters, dangers and “what ifs” long before they can tell themselves “it was only a dream”. Nightmares often follow a busy, scary or upsetting day, or a big change.

Night terrors are different: they’re a hiccup in the brain’s move out of deep sleep, not a dream. They’re more likely when a child is overtired, sick or sleeping on an unusual schedule. They look far worse than they feel, and many children simply grow out of them.

Try today

1. Protect sleep. A calm, predictable bedtime and enough hours of sleep make both less likely. Being overtired is a common trigger for night terrors, so an earlier bedtime can help. Notes on a week of bad nights can show a pattern.
2. Match the help to the kind of night. After a nightmare, go quickly, sit close and speak low and slow. That’s co-regulation: your calm helps their body settle. During a night terror, stay calm and keep them safe. Sit nearby, move things they could bump into and speak softly if it helps. Don’t try to wake them.
3. The next day, practice and change the ending. At a calm time, practice the owl breath from the story: in slowly, out with a long “hoooo”. If your child remembers a nightmare, ask them to draw it, then draw a new ending together: the monster gets tiny, or turns into a friend.

The same plan from every adult. Decide ahead whether comfort happens in your child’s bed or yours, and do it the same way every night.

What to say

After a nightmare:

“That was a scary dream. You’re awake now, and you’re safe. I’m right here. Let’s breathe like an owl: hoooo.”

The next morning:

“Do you want to tell me about the dream, or draw it? We can make a better ending.”

When they’re scared it will come back:

“You’re worried the dream will come back. Dreams are pictures our brain makes at night. Let’s think of a happy picture to take back to sleep. If you wake up scared, call me: ‘I had a bad dream.’”

What to avoid

• Shaking or shouting to wake a child during a night terror. It can frighten them and make the episode last longer.
• Retelling a night terror in front of them the next morning. They don’t remember it, and hearing about it can worry them.
• Scary shows and stories close to bedtime. Save the exciting stories for the morning.
• Brushing off a nightmare. “It’s not real” is true, but first your child needs to feel safe.

When to get help

Talk to your pediatrician if night terrors happen several times a week, last longer than about half an hour, or put your child in danger, like sleepwalking out of the room (meanwhile, a gate at the stairs helps). Also call if an episode looks different (stiffening, rhythmic jerking or drooling), if your child snores loudly or seems to stop breathing in sleep, or if they’re very sleepy during the day. If nightmares are frequent for weeks, start after something frightening, or come with daytime fears that don’t go away, a child psychologist can help. If broken nights wear you down, get support for yourself too.

Read together

In Afraid of the Dark, Whyia’s room looks strange at bedtime: a shadow on the chair, a scratching at the window. With Mama and a flashlight, she finds that the shadow is her blue cardigan and the scratching is a branch in the wind. Then Hoo, a little owl, asks for help finding a lost baby hedgehog. Whyia turns into an owl, learns to look slowly and listen, and helps the baby find his mama. When a cloud covers the moon and she feels scared again, Hoo teaches her to breathe like an owl: in slowly, out with a long “hoooo”. He gives her a silver feather to hold when the night feels big.

Read it in the early evening, before the room is dark. Then practice the owl breath together, and choose your child’s own “feather”, a small thing to hold in bed. After a bad dream, both are calm, familiar things to do with you.