When Your Child Is Teased: What to Say and What to Do

Tom, Whyia and Phoebe are playing with toys at the playground. Mike walks over and laughs: “Look at Tom playing with the girls! What a baby! He’s not even good at sports.”

Tom’s face gets hot. He wants to shout something mean back. Many kids would, and many parents would quietly understand. But teasing back almost always makes the next round worse.

In one minute

• Teach your child not to tease back. It gives the teaser exactly the reaction they want.
• Give them three tools: stand tall, say one calm sentence, walk away and stay with friends.
• Know the difference: teasing between equals is a skill to practice. Bullying (repeated, one-sided, meant to hurt) is a job for adults.

What’s going on

Children tease to test where they stand: who is strong, who is in, who reacts. A big reaction (tears, anger, a mean comeback) is a reward for the teaser, so the teasing continues. A calm, confident answer takes the fun out of it.

Your child can’t control what others say. They can learn to control how much power those words get. That’s a lifelong skill, and it starts on the playground.

Try today

1. Listen first. When your child tells you about teasing, don’t jump to fixing. “That sounds really hurtful. What did you feel?” A child who feels heard comes back to you next time.
2. Prepare one sentence. Together, pick a short calm answer your child likes: “So what? I’m having fun.” “That’s not kind.” “Okay.” Practice it at home with a confident voice and eyes up.
3. Make a plan for walking away. “If it keeps going, walk over to a friend or a grown-up.” Teasers lose interest fast when there’s no audience.

What to say

When your child tells you:

“Thank you for telling me. Being teased hurts. It’s not your fault.”

To prepare them:

“You don’t have to tease back. You can stand tall, say ‘So what? I like it’, and go play with your friends.”

What to avoid

• “Just ignore it.” It’s too vague. Children need something specific to do and say.
• “Hit them back.” It usually gets the teased child in trouble and makes the conflict bigger.
• Rushing to call the other parent for a single incident. Give your child a chance to use their tools first.
• Brushing it off as “kids being kids.” If it keeps happening, it isn’t.

When to get help

If the same child or group targets your child again and again, if there is hitting, exclusion, or threats, or if your child starts avoiding school or the playground, it’s bullying, not teasing. Talk to the teacher or school counselor, write down what happened and when, and keep talking with your child every day. Get help from a child psychologist if your child seems withdrawn, anxious or sad for weeks.

Read together

In The Monkey Bar, Mike teases Tom for playing with girls. Whyia turns into a monkey and asks the playground monkeys what to do. Their advice: don’t tease back, be proud of yourself, and say something clever or keep silent. The three friends stand tall together and tell Mike calmly that teasing isn’t kind. Later, Tom chases down a girl who snatched Mike’s hat and returns it, and Mike realizes he was wrong.

After reading, play “Monkey practice”: you say a silly tease (“Your socks are green!”) and your child answers with a calm, confident sentence. Swap roles. Laughing about it at home makes the real moment much easier.