When Your Child Is Teased: What to Say and What to Do

Your six-year-old gets into the car after school, unusually quiet. Then: “Jayden said my backpack is for babies. Everyone laughed.” Part of you wants to march inside. Part of you wants her to say something mean back.

Both feelings are normal. But teasing back usually makes the next round worse, and there’s a better plan your child can practice at home.

In one minute

• Teasing is common from about age 4. Teach your child not to tease back: it gives the teaser exactly the reaction they want.
• Give them three tools: stand tall, say one calm or clever sentence, walk away to friends or a grown-up.
• Know the difference: teasing between equals is a skill to practice. Bullying (repeated, one-sided, meant to hurt) is a job for adults.

What’s going on

Children tease to test where they stand: who is strong, who is in, who reacts. A big reaction (tears, anger, a mean comeback) is a reward for the teaser, so the teasing continues. A calm, confident answer takes the fun out of it.

Friendly teasing goes both ways and both children laugh. Hurtful teasing stings, but often stops when the child stands firm. Bullying keeps going: the same child or group, again and again, with more power (older, bigger, more friends), on purpose. Bullying needs adults, and telling about it is never tattling.

Your child can’t control what others say. They can learn to control how much power those words get.

Try today

1. Listen first. When your child tells you, don’t jump to fixing. “That sounds really hurtful. What did you feel?” Keep your own face calm, even if old memories stir. A child who feels heard comes back to you next time.
2. Prepare and practice one sentence. Together, pick a short calm answer your child likes: “So what? I’m having fun.” “That’s not kind.” “Okay.” “Thanks for noticing.” Practice it at home with a confident voice, shoulders back and eyes up.
3. Make a plan for walking away. “If it keeps going, walk over to a friend or a grown-up.” Teasers often lose interest when there’s no audience. Help your child pick one friend to stay near and one adult at school to go to.

If it gets worse at first. When a teaser stops getting a reaction, they sometimes push harder for a few days. Warn your child: “He might try again. Keep using your sentence.” If it keeps going or turns physical, adults step in.

The same answer from every adult. If one grown-up says “walk away” and another says “hit them back”, children freeze. Agree on the plan at home, and share it with the teacher.

What to say

When your child tells you:

“Thank you for telling me. Being teased hurts. It’s not your fault.”

Later, to prepare them:

“You don’t have to tease back. You can stand tall, say ‘So what? I like it’, and go play with your friends.”

The hardest version, when it’s bullying and your child begs you not to tell:

“I’m really glad you told me. This is too big for a kid to fix alone, and keeping you safe is my job. Let’s decide together what I’ll say to your teacher.”

What to avoid

• “Just ignore it.” It’s too vague. Children need something specific to do and say.
• “Hit them back.” It usually gets the teased child in trouble and makes the conflict bigger.
• Rushing to call the other parent for a single incident. Give your child a chance to use their tools first. If it continues, go to the teacher.
• Brushing it off as “kids being kids.” If it keeps happening, it isn’t.

When to get help

If the same child or group targets your child again and again, if there is hitting, threats, taking things or leaving your child out on purpose, or if your child starts avoiding school or the playground, it’s bullying, not teasing. Talk to the teacher or school counselor, write down what happened and when, and check in with your child every day. StopBullying.gov has steps for working with a school. Watch for stomachaches on school mornings or trouble sleeping. See your pediatrician or a child psychologist if your child seems withdrawn, anxious or sad for over two weeks. If your child ever talks about hurting themselves, call your pediatrician right away, or call or text 988.

Read together

In The Monkey Bar, Mike laughs at Tom for playing with Phoebe and Whyia instead of climbing the monkey bars, and calls him a baby. Tom wants to tease back. Whyia turns into a monkey and asks the monkeys she imagines on the bars what to do. Their advice: don’t tease back, be proud of yourself, and say something clever or keep silent. The three friends stand tall and tell Mike calmly that teasing isn’t kind. Later, when a little girl snatches Mike’s hat, Tom chases her and brings it back, and Mike admits he was wrong and says sorry.

After reading, play “Monkey practice”: you say a silly tease (“Your socks are green!”) and your child answers with a calm, confident sentence. Swap roles. Laughing at home makes the real moment easier. And remember: in real life, teasers don’t always say sorry. Tom was proud of himself before Mike changed his mind.